Did You Know I Miss You?
by AllynDupe
Summary: Cloud's life has been one of mess, despair and death. And sometimes, trying to cope with such terrible memories and thoughts is harder than anything he's ever had to face.


Nibelhiem had always been a quiet town, with not much going on. This was the first time in a long time, when there was a matter at hand that was important to very many people, and I had been called here with Sephiroth and Zack Fair--Two well known First Class SOLDIERS. I felt amazed to be included on such an expodition. Being SOLDIER was all I ever wanted with my life--Just the thought..Helping civillians, fighting monsters, protecting people I loved..It sent a shiver creeping across my spine, like a most inconsiderate whisper. There were many long periods of time that tiptoed by in slow motion, and most of those times I spent with Zack. Sephiroth was usually mingling with the townspeople, feeding his ever-growing fame.

Zack took his time telling me spine tingling stories about being in SOLDIER, all the fighting... And he told me of the toughest battle he had ever fought. But, this particular one ended in sorrow for himself, because it brought the cold monster of death to close it's jaws on his closest was how he obtained his amazing Bster Sword, but that was not worth losing a friend over, he had explained. This idea shocked me to my very core; caused my heart to shudder and quake. I didn't understand what seeing something like that would be like..It seemed overwealming to me. However, most of his stories weren't gloomy and dark. Usually they were the type I wanted to hear, about adventure, experiencing new faces, and visting areas he had never set foot in before.

However, regardless of how much I told myself SOLDIER was the life for me every single day, by the end of the night, after hearing Zack reminisce about his life and experiences, most that sounded awful and tainted..I usually wondered rather solidly, _Are all those things worth being my dream?  
_  
_I can't imagine all the people that you know,  
And all the places that you go,  
When the lights are turned down low.  
And I don't understand all the things you've seen.  
But I'm slipping in between you and your big dreams.  
It's always you,  
In my big dreams._A light was shining through the fog that could have considerably made my head it's habitat. It had been infectuous to me, but it seemed it was now melting away to the most insignificant of problems--As I sucessfully pulled myself across the dirt with pure arm strength. My thoughts were clearing, my heart was racing, and my blood still seemed freezing. Eventually I stopped pulling myself, my face turned to the ground miserably as I did so. This was because, I felt my hand sink into a puddle of something, something that was thick, and red as a deep sunset , surrounding my fingers. Blood. I saw it all around. I swallowed nothing, as the rain dotted everything around me. Around _us._ That's right.

I looked into Zack Fair's deadened was like looking down an empty hallway, or into a well. Neverending. His pupils dilated a little as he twitched, and groaned.

My breath was shallow. "..Zack.." His name flew from my throat like a cork from a wine bottle. The first word I had said in weeks.

Suddenly, he started talking to me. Bullet holes lined his chest, ripping apart the fabric in his tunic, his giant buster sword (The handle still one with his fingers, something that broke my heart.) lay aside in another red ocean. The thick blood ran down his face, the rainwater diluting it and making it seem watery and thin. I stared into his icy, dying eyes, and realized I owed my life to this man. He brought me this close to Midgar. He protected me from the savages that wanted to stop us and ruin our security.

Before I knew it, the buster sword was clenched in both my hands, and I saw Zack's tired eyelids envelope his blue, mako glowing eyes, and my best friend, Zack Fair, died right there in front of me, a bleak smile still bending his lips.

(ididn'tunderstandwhatseeingsomethinglikethatwouldbelike)

I opened my mouth, and released stress, anger, sadness, remorse and guilt in one heart-stopping scream, that echoed off into the rain. By now I understood the true course of what Zack had been trying to explain to me in his stories. Why did I have to know?...

_And if this is what it takes,  
Just to lie with my mistakes.  
And live with what I did to you.  
All the hell I put you through._The wood creaked and felt like it was ready to snap under my weight as I walked into the Church. Still enveloped by solid soltitude, the area seemed to still sing a happy tune; the flowers still grew. They looked white and pure, so much so that I believed they should glisten like glass in the sunlight that poured in, yet feel like velvet to the touch. They were perfect, they had to be. Otherwise, why would they not fade and die like people did? I stood staring at the patch, not inrigued but wracked with sadness.

_  
_Death had been a very unwelcome visitor in my life. So naive I was. It was always the people I least expected to be swallowed by death. My family, Zack Fair, and then of course...Her. Aerith Gainsborough. The girl who raised these gorgeous flowers into what they remained today, the girl who also raised my spirit and made me feel..Close to happy, when most of the time I found that mark almost impossible to hit. I could still picture her there, in all her beauty: Crouched down to tend to this Garden, humming. She had a voice like a wind chime, pure beauty dancing on the air. Almost every night she appeared in my dreams. Alongside Zack Fair, and most of the time I woke up feeling frustrated, saddened and destroyed because I never knew what she was telling me. These were usually nights that I got almost no sleep.

_This is to a girl who got into my head,  
With all the pretty things she did.  
Hey, you know, you keep me up in bed._However, not all the dreams were as simple as that. Sometimes they were horrifying.

The long silver blade punctured through her body, blood ran out like water did when you knocked over a glass. All over the floor. All over her. Even as this had been a year ago or more, sometimes dreams pressed repeat on the nightmare that had long ago enveloped my reality. And even if that nightmare was now being replaced with the bubbly dreams of a normal life, I was still scarred. And I was also pretty damn sure I would never forget. Aerith had been an angel; Zack a hero. And I had lost them both.

I gazed at the flowers, and they seemed to stare back in some medocre way. I shivered, closed my eyes tightly, and suddenly began to repeat "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.." under my breath.

_This is to a girl who got into my head,  
With all the fucked up things I did.  
Hey, maybe, baby, you could keep me up in bed._Suddenly the sun intensified on the flowers, making them almost transparent in my vision. I turned away from the plants, and shut my eyes. My hearts pounded so hard now, I expected it to fly from my chest and flop around on the floor like a fish out of water. A shot of pain ripped up through my entire body. My hero and my angel..I couldn't wait to be with them.

_Spin around me like a dream,  
We played out on this movie screen,  
And I said,  
Did you know I missed you?_


End file.
